


but you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

by ragtimedarling



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 2014 Olympics, M/M, sochi ANGST, with brief mentions of other TJ members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 00:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1799329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragtimedarling/pseuds/ragtimedarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not enough to just make it to the Olympics; there's so much more he needed to accomplish and he couldn't do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

For so many years, like so many skaters, he had dreamed of going to the Olympics.

 

Yet as he stands on the ice, taking his last bows in Sochi, Tatsuki Machida feels nothing but the crush of disappointment. For so long he had trained, and he had sacrificed everything. His own mother was unable to be with her mother, his grandmother, as she was dying, and it was because she had to work to keep him skating. He was supposed to win money, earn enough to support them.

 

And as he stands, he feels devastated. His face only shows a glimpse of the defeat he endures in those final Olympic moments.

 

Tatsuki makes his way off the ice as his grandmother's handmade amulet weighs heavily around his neck. He knows his parents are watching, and he knows they are proud of him for even making it to the Olympics, and he knows he was never meant to win, but he could have skater cleaner. He knows he could have at least done that, and he failed at the one job he had to do.

 

He's only half-paying attention when his score is read; rather, he's already thinking about what he did wrong. The fall on the quad toe, the messy landings, the entire damn short program...

 

He had been skating so well throughout the entire season, he  thinks once he  leaves the Kiss and Cry. He knows that with Patrick Chan, Yuzuru Hanyu, and Javier Fernandez left to skate, and being behind Denis Ten, he's unlikely to medal.

 

So he leaves the arena, questioning just why he has spent so much of his life in this sport.

 

\---

 

Tatsuki  lies in bed at the Olympic village for a while after the competition, though he doesn't sleep. He uses this time to relax, avoiding interviews from the press surrounding the Iceberg Skating Palace (though really, the press was far more interested in Yuzuru and Daisuke than him, so this is relatively easy) and taking his self-assigned free time to recover. Although he realizes he is being melodramatic, Tatsuki is still in no mood to deal with the press, and he knows that in the state he's in, the stoic persona he's most famous for would crack and crumble and he's not prepared for the repercussions of that one bit.

 

His phone buzzes, and Tatsuki glances at the screen. His mother is calling him, probably wondering where the hell he is. He turns off his phone instead of answering, needing to be alone, to recollect his thoughts, to figure out what he could have - should have - done better.

 

Instead of the peaceful quietness he's craving, he hears a knock on the door. Tatsuki freezes, hoping the visitor will go away and leave him be for a while longer.

 

He hears a sigh on the other side of the door after a few rounds of knocking. "Tatsuki, don't even try to act like you're not in there, because I know for a fact that you sprinted out of that arena as soon as you could."

 

Tatsuki groans. "Who told you?"

 

"Misha, and you and I both know that his gossip is almost always true," the visitor responds.

 

"Misha, damn him," Tatsuki mutters as he stands up to let Daisuke Takahashi into his room. "What do you want?"

 

"Well, if you had been in the Iceberg or kept in touch with society for the last few hours, you would know that Yuzuru won the Olympics," Daisuke explains.

 

"Not surprising."

 

"It wasn't exactly clean," he continues. "He fell twice. He's incredibly lucky Chan didn't exactly have a great long program either. Denis Ten won bronze."

 

Tatsuki internally reminds himself that he was right about his medal chances. "How did you skate?"

 

Daisuke either doesn't hear or ignores this question. "Yuzuru's thrilled, of course, but I can tell he's disappointed. Nobody wants to win the Olympics like that. This is why the rest of the team is going out to celebrate - except Chris and Cathy, obviously."

 

"And?"

 

"And, since you are clearly part of the team, I wanted to know if you were going to join us or continue moping around for the rest of the Olympics."

 

"I wasn't moping," Tatsuki protests evenly.

 

He gets an eye roll in response. "Right, and I'm the king of Sochi."

 

"I'm not exactly in a celebratory mood, in case you couldn't tell." The words are curt, clipped short to show true disinterest. However, Daisuke doesn't let up.

 

"What makes you think I was in any sort of mood after the Olympic team was named?"  he retorts, as Tatsuki, unable to hold his gaze, seems to find a very interesting spot on the floor to look at. Daisuke continues, looking straight at Tatsuki as he prattles on. "I was chosen to go to the Olympics over two of my closest friends, and even though they both had been before, it hurt like hell. I felt like I ruined their dreams while living mine."

 

Daisuke's gaze turns into a bit of a glare before resuming. "But I still went out and celebrated with all of you after Nationals. I still celebrated because I wanted to support the team, because that's what teammates do for each other. We support each other, Tatsuki."

 

There's a lengthy pause, with the tension weighing down on Tatsuki. He can't look at Daisuke, because Daisuke has no idea what he's been through. "You don't understand."

 

"You forget, Tatsuki, that I've been competing a hell of a lot longer than you have. I've experienced far more heartbreak than you ever have." Though he's not yelling, Daisuke's voice takes on a frantic tone and raises in volume. "I'm pretty sure I do understand. Are you just pissed because you didn't skate well? Is that all?"

 

The stoic demeanor cracks and the anger welling inside of Tatsuki erupts. The temper he tried to keep to himself, the reason he wanted to avoids the press, flies out of him all at once.

 

"No, that's not just it! My family has sacrificed so much to even get me to this level. My mother worked so hard that she got sick from taking on two jobs to support me. She couldn't spend time with her own dying mother because of how much she had to work. I promised her that I would start winning money, and I begged her to quit one of her jobs. And now I feel like I can't repay her. So no, I'm not 'just pissed because I didn't skate well'." Tatsuki takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm pissed because I didn't do well enough for them."

 

There's another pause, but it's almost tension-free. Tatsuki slumps his shoulders in resignation, touching his grandmother's amulet.

 

"I thought this would be the event where I break out and prove my worth. I wanted to show that I could finally earn substantial money, to repay my parents to all they've done for me so I can do this goddamn sport." Tatsuki looks away yet again in regret. "But I absolutely fucking bombed the short, and I needed the long to be entirely clean. It wasn't."

 

Daisuke’s expression softens, and to Tatsuki's surprise, pulls him into a huge embrace. He strokes Tatsuki's hair comfortingly, as he begins to whisper into his ear.

 

"You idiot. You already had a breakout year. You made it to the Olympics when nobody thought you would, and you finished top five."

 

Tatsuki pulls away in shock. "I did?"

 

"Yes, dumbass, behind Javier," responds an amused Daisuke. "If you had stayed in the arena, you would know this."

 

Tatsuki merely blinks in surprise, and all the stress of God knows how many years suddenly fades away. He falls back into Daisuke's arms as tears escape from his eyes, feeling more relieved than when his mother promised to quit one of her jobs. He's not a one to sob his heart out, and he only cries for a short while as he and Daisuke fall to their knees in unison, the other man comforting him.

 

Once the tears stop after a short while, Daisuke speaks up.

 

"Hey, Tatsuki."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Listen, I'm going to tell you something that I don't want you to ever forget."

 

Tatsuki looks at the ground, wearing one of his rare smiles. "The great Daisuke Takahashi is granting me his wisdom? How did I get so lucky?"

 

Daisuke grabs Tatsuki's shoulders, grinning. "You'll thank me in a few years, I guarantee it. As I was saying, I don't want you to forget that you, my friend, are going to do amazing things for this sport. Obviously, we can never be perfect." He smiles almost tenderly. "But I promise you, next quad, you will be sensational."

 

Tatsuki smiles again. "I will certainly try."

 

"That's all we can really do, right?" Daisuke beams. "And I will enjoy watching you skate at every event, and I will support you. Every single step of the way."

 

The two skaters are still kneeling on the floor, holding each other while looking into each other's eyes, until Tatsuki breaks it to kiss Daisuke, and Daisuke kisses him back, and this is not what Tatsuki expected to happen to tonight, but he knows this somehow feels right.

 

The pair somehow end up on the tiny bed, legs entangled in legs, and lips on lips. Clothes disappear, and the plans Daisuke refused to let go somehow are forgotten instantaneously.

 

\---

 

Tatsuki wakes alone the next morning, the sun shining directly into his face. He grumbles when he realizes that Daisuke must have left while he was asleep. "So much for the support and the team togetherness," Tatsuki mutters as he shuffles out of bed to put on clothes.

 

Sure, he's not thrilled Daisuke left after they had sex - his own first time, but he's positive it wasn't Daisuke's - but he's not surprised. They never even remotely discussed being attracted to each other, and they had only just begun to become close as friends. They had incredible chemistry, but in reality, they didn't make sense.

 

He continues to prepare himself for another day when he sees the note perched on top of the dresser. Tatsuki scowls when he realizes the paper is from one of his philosophy notebooks (his title as "philosopher on ice" is deserved) and picks up the note.

 

_No, I didn't touch any of your notes. Not that I would want to._

_Best of luck at Worlds. I'll be there for you._

 

Even though the note explain absolutely nothing about where Daisuke went in the middle of the night, it serves as a reminder that Tatsuki does in fact have Worlds to look forward to. But Daisuke does as well, and the note implies that he won't be there...

 

Shaking the thoughts of Daisuke and last night out of his head, Tatsuki finally finishes getting ready, and decides to go watch the short dance later that night, because he wants to support Chris and Cathy. They - and he - are part of their team.

 

And teammates support each other.

 

\---

 

The time between the Olympics and Worlds is a blur of media and practice, practice, practice. He feels much lighter and carefree during this training period, although he still stays grounded because he knows that if he does well, he could medal with both Patrick Chan and Denis Ten out. He's excited to compete, instead of dreading it.

 

In between all the training, he thinks about Daisuke. They haven't done anything else since that night in Sochi, nor hardly even had a full conversation. He decides there isn't really much he can do regarding that night, but Tatsuki does realize that whenever the team was together, there's a sparkle in Daisuke's eye, a warmth reserved for him. They both know they had the other's support.

 

Daisuke doesn't compete at Worlds due to a knee injury, but this news doesn't surprise Tatsuki due to the foreshadowing he received from Daisuke's note. He turns to training and works harder, freed from the stress of needing to succeed.

 

A day before the short program, Tatsuki meets with his mother. "I know I don't have to do well for you guys now," he explains to her. "But please know that I want to do and I will try my absolute best for you."

 

His mother kisses him on the forehead in response. "No matter what, we are all so proud." She lightly touches the amulet around his neck.

 

Tatsuki goes on to skate the program of his career the next day, and finds himself leading after the short. He catches a glimpse of a headline later that evening - "Machida Upsets Hanyu for Short Program Lead" - and smiles. This is what he had worked so hard for, and he was so much happier doing it this time.

 

He eventually does not win the world title, barely losing to Yuzuru, but he's thrilled to have won the silver medal. This is the break out he wanted to have at the Olympics.

 

During the medal ceremony, Tatsuki can't help but look at the crowd and wonder if Daisuke's hidden amongst the many fans, watching him.

 

He sure hopes so.

 

When he is finally able to get away to the secluded locker room, he finds Daisuke Takahashi with a handful of balloons and a grin from ear to ear.

 

"I told you that you would be sensational," he says to Tatsuki.

 

All the questions, all the wondering about Daisuke after that night is unimportant as Tatsuki kisses Daisuke, the happiest he's ever been.

 

For once, Tatsuki Machida feels like he is set up to succeed.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> * Thank you to the incredible Erin for betaing this work!  
> * This fic is the brainchild of multiple headcanons I have, a few interviews I've read, and one specific picture of Tatsu after his LP.  
> * This fic is dedicated to the wonderful people of tlist!  
> * The title and partial inspiration comes from "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith.


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